THOMAS AT THE RADIO: Top 10 Current Rap Songs According to Billboard (Part 1)

Oh hi! My name is Thomas and I run a blog by the name of 100 Grand on My Wrist, Yeah Life Sucks, which is about Bay Area rap. If you don't like Bay Area rap that's cool, to each their own, but today I'm here to talk to you about rap music on the radio. "Naw fuck that shit, it's all corny, I listen to rappers who make real music that I find out about on the internet like Freddie Gibbs and Danny Brown!" you say. That music is all well and good (I think), but you should definitely still be checking the shit that plays on the radio frequently for the following reasons:
  1. If you go to a club or party this is the music that is probably going to be playing and you should have a general sense of how the song goes as you try to look cool for the opposite sex. Don't be that guy who doesn't dance and starts ranting about how much music on the radio sucks, no one likes that guy.
  2. True story: Last year in a college class I saw this girl sit next to a guy with headphones on and ask him "what are you listening to?" He responded by saying Digital Underground and then when she said she'd never heard of them he went on to lecture her about why they were so important to hip-hop during their time. The girl looked bored as fuck and I swear to God I saw a thought bubble appear over her head that said, "I will never grant this loser access to my vagina." Should have said Lil Wayne bro!
  3. When you are watching "I love the 2010's" years from now on VH1 on your future TV, you'll be able to laugh along at the jokes an old Michael Ian Black makes about the rap music that was popular during this time.
  4. You should probably pretend to be generally into music that plays on the radio when first getting to know a female, because she would much rather listen to Chris Brown when you are giving her a ride home than Tyler the Creator (plus you probably don't want her to think you are a rapist).
I could go on forever, but the point is you should always be mildly aware of what is hot on the radio so that you can be a normal member of society by enjoying popular culture. Of course music on the radio kind of sucks; it's designed for teenage girls to sing along to while they work on their algebra homework, but there are always enjoyable elements in each song if you look hard enough. So let's take a look at the top 10 current rap songs according to Billboard so that you can be a functioning member of society and not a rap nerd virgin:

10.) "I'm On One"
Every joke about Drake has already been made, there's no point in making fun of his music at this point. I don't know about your area, but here in the Bay his music gets played to death. Like no joke I once heard KMEL play three Drake songs in a row, and this wasn't some sort of special edition Drake mix on the radio, it was just their normal rotation. The beat is pretty alright on this song and each rapper's verse is cool though. Not really sure what "on one" means in Toronto, but around here it means you are high as fuck on multiple drugs (probably ecstasy) so that's kind of funny to hear Drake sing about. Watching this video for the first time I am taken aback by how truly awkward-looking of a human being DJ Khaled is, I'm glad he's doing well for himself.


9.) "Sexy and I Know It"
LOL this isn't a rap song! Let's keep it moving...

8.) "Marvin & Chardonnay"
Not going to front, the hook on this song is dope, it's hella catchy and I like all the violins and shit in the beat, it sounds great. That sound effect in the beat during the beginning verses that sounds like someone is waxing their car is pretty annoying though, glad it leaves in the second half. Now I'm all about some misogynistic rap music, but I feel like Kanye West has some weird issues when it comes to women, like he needs to sort of talk down to them and they can't be on the same level as him? idk. He literally raps, "This the fucking anthem, get it? The fucking anthem," in this song. Are you for real bro?!?

7.) "Dance (A$$)"
Two songs in the top ten for Big Sean! Good for him, I hope he is making a lot of money and having a good time. This is my favorite song in the top 10, but probably because I haven't heard it a million times like the other tracks. This beat is tight though, definitely into all the MC Hammer samples and references. The beat sort of reminds me of Jerkin music in parts (lol does that still exist?) and the "go stupid" line brings back fond memories of the hyphy movement for me. Nicki Minaj seems like a weirdo, but she is so fucking hot. If I ever met her in real life I would instantly morph into Shy Ronnie. Great song!

6.) "Body 2 Body"
This song doesn't play around here. Have you heard this song before? According to Billboard it's the #6 rap song in the country, but I've never heard it before in my life until now. I can see how this song would be big though, rap songs about how attractive a female is and making sweet love are always hits because of radio's main demographic (teenage girls), especially when Chris Brown is involved. Not sure about what's going on with Chris Brown's style on this song, but he looks like he sells meth with that bleached hair and goatee. Ace Hood's line, "Are those your real eyes? Can't tell you're partially Asian" is kind of weird. Is that a compliment?

TO BE CONTINUED.....
What do you think of these songs? Do you listen to rap music on the radio at all? Is DJ Khaled the most awkward-looking human being you've ever laid eyes on?

10 comments:

  1. "What do you think of these songs? Do you listen to rap music on the radio at all? Is DJ Khaled the most awkward-looking human being you've ever laid eyes on?"

    ^^^^^

    1) I genuinely dig "I'm On One". The rest range anywhere from horrible to guilty pleasure.

    2) Yes, unfortunately.

    3) No, Drake is far more awkward than DJ Khaled.

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  2. Haha this is great.

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  3. This was a great read.

    Fock those lmfao dudes man.. I hate them so much.

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  4. RNC Chairman Michael SteeleNovember 23, 2011 at 9:27 PM

    Awesome. Looking forward to part II, and hopefully more write ups on here.

    Most of these songs are catchy as hell with a memorable moment or two, which is really all you can ask for in a pop song.

    That Ace Hood song is actually good [haven't heard it before as well], but it has literally nothing to do with him. Good enough beat, and a GREAT performance by Chris Brown.

    Anyway, I'm On One and Dance (A$$) are the best ones, but right now more the latter, since I'm On One is kind of played out.

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  5. i fuck with most of these songs, the only one i really dislike is 'marvin gaye and chardonnay' but i find kanye to be perhaps the most objectionable presence in rap

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